I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
