this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
