You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
