So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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