I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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