It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
