Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Randomize
