Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
