fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
