1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
