College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
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