I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
