Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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