I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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