My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Randomize
