Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
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