I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
