Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize