There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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