i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
