Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Two words: nipple clamps
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