the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
