Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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