Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
