Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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