I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
