i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
