The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
