dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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