Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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