Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
