how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
