and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Randomize
