Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
