So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Randomize
