so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
