just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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