my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
