tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
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