i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Randomize
