the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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