You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
