Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
