If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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