I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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