I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
