Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
