$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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