70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Randomize
