they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Randomize
