The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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