I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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