you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
