this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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