It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Randomize
