I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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