My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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