Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
